By Lady Bay
Dear Ms. Anyhooo,
I am writing for some advice on how to handle a pandemic-related issue. First, you should know I have very strong feelings about those in our country who are ignorant, reckless, selfish, and dangerous by choosing not to vaccinate for Covid-19. The unvaxxers are why we are all suffering through this prolonged hell anyway. But I digress.
So I get a call that my 52 yr old cousin has passed away from complications from Covid. Well, you can imagine it was no shocker to me because he and his family members were stubborn idiots and did not vaccinate. True, we were not terribly close all these years but we did socialize at family gatherings and such and kept tabs on one another from time to time. Let me just say we shared little in common including our political views.
My sister has been very attached to my cousin and his family and is just heartbroken by the loss. She expects me to attend the memorial service and all that jazz to which I have informed her, that ain’t happening Sistah! The last thing I am going to do is surround myself with those not vaccinated. I am fully vaccinated plus the booster and although I did contract covid twice, the vaccinations have been a godsend. You will not catch me out and about without my mask either.
My cousin has now left a young widow and two children under 18 behind all because he would not follow the rules and the science – It all makes me see red I tell you. I can hardly contain my anger over it.
Anyway, I am not going to the service that is a given but I did find myself picking up a sympathy card for condolences but now I am struggling with reservations about mailing it. I guess I reached for it as an automatic thing I do when people die, you know? The way I see it his death was totally preventable and by his own choice so he does not deserve my sympathy. My sister claims I am being a wicked terrible person and our relationship is rather strained over all of this at the moment. But I am not a hypocrite.
What do you think?
Signed: Sympathy is not deserved in San Francisco
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Dear, Sympathy is not deserved,
Well, are you just not the spittin image of precious? What I mean to say is please cancel my subscription to your issues! Your sister is right, quit being ugly, child.
Ms. Anyhooo prides herself on always mustering up some empathy for those who just can’t straighten up and fly right, but you, my precious, is going to fray my last nerve. I am fixin to keep calm and dig deep to fill a cup of sympathy and compassion for you.
Son, you done got too big for your britches, and by britches, I mean your brain, and by big I mean it has done fallen out of your skull – and don’t work too well no more. This is about the time I dot out some truths…can ya feel me, brother?
- You have chosen free agency over your health decisions and that choice deserves respect. Why would you deprive the freedom of choice to others?
- Vaccination status does not prevent infection, as you are living proof of that, and it does not stop a vaccinated person from transmitting the virus to others when having symptoms. Your cousin’s family could take up the same position that you should not attend the memorial related to your choice to vaccinate which temporarily lowers immunity and increases the risk of becoming infected. You have been infected twice and may present a risk to them – did you ever think of that? Although something tells me they would be more rational than you.
- If you wear a mask and are vaccinated what difference does it make what any person does in your presence? Have you not declared you followed the Science and doing so has made you safe? Perhaps you do not trust that masks and vaccinations are enough?
- Many deaths can be preventable depending on who is sitting in judgment.
Would you be a hypocrite if you attended a memorial or sent a card to:
A Grandfather who smoked in his twenties while in the Army but stopped in his fifties only to succumb to lung cancer in his eighties? What about your niece who rolled through a stop sign she did not see at age 17, and rolled her car in a ditch and passed? Perhaps a Co-worker who was thrown from his car to his death after being hit by a drunk driver but not wearing his seat belt? Would you seriously not send a card to the neighbor’s family of an addicted person who overdosed? What about a close friend who committed suicide? - The need to feel superior, smug, or self-righteous over the death of another is a character flaw that should be examined. It falls into the basket of those who gloat over anti-vaxxers’ deaths.
Now, I knows I may be preaching to the choir here, but grace ain’t just something you say over dinner it is the way you conduct yourself in your daily life. Yes, sugar, we can get angry when someone dies in what we view as a senseless or avoidable circumstance. But holding a grudge or sitting as judge and jury like this that would cause you to have conflict over sending a sympathy card to the passed one’s family – means something is broken inside you. Ms. Anyhooo suggests you start mending that darkness, like yesterday.
I suspect you already are keen on the bigger problem your impertinent choices have created. Best tend to sistah’s relationship before that ship is sailed so far out yonder it is but a speck on the horizon. Nip that rift right in the bud.
You are a grown man and will do as you see fit. But setting aside all your cackalorum (a self-important little man ) we both know your letter to me reveals you already know your reluctance to send a card has nothing at all to do with being hypocritical. You want to punish! But Why?
I do declare mailing a sympathy card to those survivors who have been blindsided with a great loss is an act of kindness. How can kindness ever be hypocritical? Might be you need that feeling of being above them and morally superior more than you need to offer comfort and kindness, which after all is part of the definition of being virtuous.
Mama always said it is never too late to change our ways. I hope you get on to some soul searching and recognize your cousin had every right to live his life being true to his convictions, as do you. Offering comfort and condolences in no way means you condone those choices for your life, but it does show you respect his right to make them. Never confuse bigotry with love and caring.
I reckon you feel beat up and worn out about now. Always know Ms. Anyhooo’s intention is to help and nudge. Oh, all right then, Shove! But I think you are worth my efforts. Now go on and get to be a better man.
Good luck with your metamorphosis, you little haint!
Ms. Anyhooo
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Ms. Anyhooo writes for the Right Wire Report, who provides common sense down-to-earth answers to your personal relationships on love, life, and everything in between. Spun from the heart of the Tennessee mountain country, follow her on the hashtag #DearAnyhoooAnswers (save this link to your favorites bookmarks). If you have any questions for Ms. Anyhooo to answer please send them to anyhooo@rightwirereport.com or Contact Us.
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Source: Dear Anyhooo Answers: Why Should I Send the Family of an Anti- Vaxxer a Condolence Card?
Category: Culture, RWR, advice column, Anti Vaxxer hate, condolence cards, covid, Dear Anyhooo Answers