By Lady Bay
Dear Ms. Anyhooo,
I am at my wit’s end Ms. Anyhooo. The good news is that I finally found the love of my life and got married. The bad news is Richard and I have been married for just under six months now and, well, there is a huge problem making me miserable.
I grew up in a family that I would call close but not too close if you know what I mean. But ever since we said ” I do” my new in-laws just show up to visit on any day, and at any time with no invite. Both Richard and I work very long hours and have schedules that overlap sometimes, but often one of us will be home while the other is at work. We truly cherish our times off when they coincide together and use them to catch up and reconnect.
You may be thinking…just do not answer the door. But my in-laws have been known to peer up close into our windows to verify if we are home or not. They do this type of behavior even when our cars are in the garage, and the door is down. We have even tried covering the windows in our garage door so they cannot see our cars!
This intrusive habit is getting way out of hand, and some weeks it can be as many as five to six visits. Richard seems as irritated as I am but when I vent about the issue he kind of rolls his eyes and says, ‘that’s just how my family has always been.” Help me! How do I tell them to please call first before visiting and consider making visits less?
Signed: Sally Stalked in her own house, South Carolina
______________________________________________________________________________________
Dear Sally Stalked in her own house,
I reckon Sally, that the phrase “I ain’t seen you in a month of Sundays” does not apply here. I swear some people are the walking example that common sense isn’t a flower that grows in everyone’s garden!
Darlin, what would you do if it were your kinfolk showing up at all times of the day making you nervous as a cat in a room full of rockin’ chairs? We both know you would make a pitcher of sweet tea or a cup of hot coffee and sit your mama down and have the talk…right?
Precious, this is not one of those times when you should try to be having a come to Jesus meeting – nope, not no way at all. I do not want to tie a knot in your tail but newlywed spouses must do a tad calculating when it comes to the new in-laws so to speak. You knows, like if I start a bonfire up in here, just how hot is my backside going to feel in this forever marriage kind of calculation. You feel me Sistah?
Feathers that get ruffled are far easier smoothed when the fluffer is one of your own. You, my dearest, need to recruit the best fluffer for the job and that is no doubt, Richard. Tell him you love him a bushel and a peck but he will need to have “the talk” with his parents. And by talk I mean inform them to act like they been to town before.
Now be firm Sally and go over the talking points with hubby beforehand:
- Unless an emergency is in play – no visits without making contact first to confirm it would be fine to come over.
- No showing up on the property unannounced playing “eyethespy” through windows either.
- Explain your work schedules and note the value of time when you two get a chance to spend it together.
- Set the appropriate boundary and suggest unless holidays or special events that a scheduled visit twice a month seems reasonable at present.
- If your schedules are fixed, further suggest the rotating day and time, like every other Sunday between noon and 3 pm or such.
- Show empathy and appreciation for their desire to share your lives and note changes in advance by acknowledging when grandkids arrive it could mean more frequent visits.
Sweet pea, I really do think that is the best route to go for communicating to your in-laws there needs to be a change. The last thing you want is to become the object of their ire or as we say down yonder in the South ” why go opening up a can of worms if you don’t want to go fishing .”
Bless you and your new marriage, and be a stalk – free little haint,
Ms. Anyhooo
Ms. Anyhooo writes for the Right Wire Report, who provides common sense down-to-earth answers to your personal relationships on love, life, and everything in between. Spun from the heart of the Tennessee mountain country, follow her on the hashtag #DearAnyhoooAnswers (save this link to your favorites bookmarks). If you have any questions for Ms. Anyhooo to answer please send them to anyhooo@rightwirereport.com or Contact Us.
___________________________________________________________________________________
If you found this article informative, please consider a small donation to our coffee cup to help support Conservative Journalism – or spread the word. Thank you.
RWR original article syndication source.
Source: Dear Anyhooo Answers: Newlyweds Inquire: How Do We Stop Intrusive In-laws From Stalking?
Category: Culture, RWR, advice column, Dear Anyhooo Answers, In law boundaries, intrusive in laws
